The age-old question of what to do when you become a mother

Before becoming a mother it is sOo easy to look toward your goals with such an ambition, you almost feel invicible. It doesn’t matter how many hours you have to put in to make it, money is priority. Then along comes a charming man that makes you feel loved and before you know it, there’s a baby on the way.. and not just 1 but twins! The excitement of pregnancy is a powerful high and you set aside the thought of what to do after the babies are born until its almost time. After interviewing and pricing out childcare your on the fence about leaving your newborns in the care of some strangers to go to work for a fraction of what you were making yesterday. These are some of my thoughts on being a stay at home mom vs being a working mom.

The Stay At Home Mom:

Being home with your babies everyday is such a blessing. There is a honeymoon stage where every small moment is huge. It’s very comforting to be in full control of the care of your babies and how they are raised. Skip ahead 1 year; You’ve got the routine down and a solid 3 hour break during nap time to catch up on the housework. Hubby comes home from work with various stories of what happened throughout his day and you just look down at your sweet babies faces feeling grateful that you don’t have to miss a moment to be away from them; but a little sad to be missing out on the real world. They are on the move now and they dump all the toys, everywhere, all day. It doesn’t seem like there is a moment of productivity because even after you clean up during your nap time break, its undone within minutes of their little eyes opening. The laundry, the dishes, the wasted food, it adds up and the discouragement sets in. Taking the babies out is physically exhausting but staying in the house is mentally exhausting. Now your going through the motions of what you absolutely have to do without the extra energy you had last year because although your not at a paying job, your working very hard at home to make up for that. The babies absolutely love you and you know they have been safe, nurtured to your satisfaction and loved for all their life. There is truly not a better feeling than that. You’ve been out of work for a couple of years which halts progression of your position, but these are honestly years that you will never get back. After they start school, you find a job like you had but they want to pay you a little less for being out for so long. That’s okay. There will never be regrets for choosing what you feel is best for your children.

The Working Mom:

After the babies are born, you take 6 weeks to recover from the birth and get to know your new little creations, and then the real world comes rushing back. You wake up extra early everyday to prepare them for the care taker. You go about your regular career path during the day and come home to the bundles of joy in the evening. Majority of the time every thing is going well but every so often, someone gets sick and schedules come into question between Mom and Dad. What is that rash? Was the sitter not changing them?! You know you could pay more for better care but its out of the question financially. Being in a new double role and paying for childcare makes you want to rush into a higher paying position to compensate for the lost wages which leads to added pressure and stress. Sometimes this comes home with you and then you feel guilty for not being your best version of Mommy because you can’t shut work off. Somehow the kids don’t hold it against you. They just miss you when your gone and want your loving hugs when you can give it to them and that’s enough for them. The sitter cares for them well and they are happy overall. Sometimes you get upset that their behavior isn’t exactly how you had imagined it would be and you don’t know what is contributing to that because you aren’t with them all day during each interaction. You question your parenting but ultimately cant blame yourself, because your not always present to take responsibility for all of that. Since you were able to continue to pursue your goals and push through, by the time they are in school, you have a better position in the company or are set up to be in one. The kids are socially adjusted and your hard work has paid off in your career.

At the end of the day, staying home and working both carry a full weight of pros and cons. I fully believe that what works for you depends on personality traits that you have as a person. Are you patient enough? Are you happy enough to be a good example? Will you regret missing these irreplaceable years? Is your career path worth the sacrifice? Do you trust your childcare provider? What do you want? Is it financially possible? Ask yourself the tough questions and be truthful.

You know in your heart what the best option is. Be brave enough to commit to it.. No matter which path you choose, it is the right one for your family and you should choose it without regret. Full speed ahead mama, you got this and your babies will love you no matter what you do..

except hard drugs and excessive drinking.. don’t do that.